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HAMMO11

I Wish I Had A Cruise Soon

10 posts in this topic

I WISH I HAD A CRUISE SOON - written by Graham Hampsheir but in the style of Pam Ayres :P

I wish we had a cruise soon
We'd sail across the seas
Sunny days and glamorous nights
With all inclusive fees

We'd easily find a sunbed
There are loads and loads around
We'd watch a film and order drinks
And happiness would be found

We'd dress up nice for dinner
I'd wear a black bow tie
'Your bum looks small' I'd say to her
(Cos I don't want to die)

The night wears on, I've had a drink
And got a smiley face
I'm happy now I've organised
The electric scooter race

Mavis leads, she jumped the start
Derek's in second place
But Rogers there to pass the lot
Cos Mavis's off her face

Too much food and too much wine
Her steerings gone all wobbly
'Good God you're mad' says the couple from the suite
(And they said it rather snobbly)

'Call the captain' the old man cries
'This really isn't right'
'We are far to good for this ship'
(He was looking for a fight)

The captain comes to sort it out
The old man is still fuming
'Stop this race immediately' 
But tragedy was looming

Mavis leaned a bit too far
Whilst taking turning three
She clipped her wheel on a railing
And flipped into the sea

We never saw Mavis again
She leaves a son and daughter
But I hope she's doing really well
In the races under water

Lesson learned, cut out the wine
Stick with beer or lager
Or if you like it watered down
You can always book with Saga

This story started happy
It's a sorry plight
But all's not lost, it could be worse
There's no mankini in sight.

 

Jaczs, Tally, MG16 and 2 others like this

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I WISH I HAD A CRUISE SOON - written by Graham Hampsheir but in the style of Pam Ayres tongue.png

I wish we had a cruise soon

We'd sail across the seas

Sunny days and glamorous nights

With all inclusive fees

We'd easily find a sunbed

There are loads and loads around

We'd watch a film and order drinks

And happiness would be found

We'd dress up nice for dinner

I'd wear a black bow tie

'Your bum looks small' I'd say to her

(Cos I don't want to die)

The night wears on, I've had a drink

And got a smiley face

I'm happy now I've organised

The electric scooter race

Mavis leads, she jumped the start

Derek's in second place

But Rogers there to pass the lot

Cos Mavis's off her face

Too much food and too much wine

Her steerings gone all wobbly

'Good God you're mad' says the couple from the suite

(And they said it rather snobbly)

'Call the captain' the old man cries

'This really isn't right'

'We are far to good for this ship'

(He was looking for a fight)

The captain comes to sort it out

The old man is still fuming

'Stop this race immediately' 

But tragedy was looming

Mavis leaned a bit too far

Whilst taking turning three

She clipped her wheel on a railing

And flipped into the sea

We never saw Mavis again

She leaves a son and daughter

But I hope she's doing really well

In the races under water

Lesson learned, cut out the wine

Stick with beer or lager

Or if you like it watered down

You can always book with Saga

This story started happy

It's a sorry plight

But all's not lost, it could be worse

There's no mankini in sight.

 

It really made me laugh. Very good smile.png

HAMMO11 likes this

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Brilliant. I reckon Bernie Eccleston will start up F1 cruising on just that premise........imagine P&O v Cunard v Celebrity v NCL etc in the over 70's Electric scooter race(3 laps around the Prom deck) in Monaco!!!! Costa would be banned as their vehicles would have too many reverse gears. I'm sure this theme could be developed.......

 

cheers

Birdwatcher

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