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Jaczs

Yes she's back ...... back again!

48 posts in this topic

As my inbox has been inundated with requests for my return, due to I believe my ability to give useful and informative advice (I really should be a travel rep) and as I am not one for letting people down one has decided to share my travels with you once again. So where to start this time? I suppose the beginning is a good enough place and that would have to be at Mrs Brock-worthy's coffee morning.

 

We have a monthly coffee morning in our exclusive cul-de-sac I say exclusive as we live on a private road which discourages outsiders in their Ford Fiesta's using it as parking for their school runs. We each take it in turns to host the monthly coffee morning where we can discuss all sorts of important issues and check out who has bought what.

 

Well Mrs Brock-worthy decided this was the time to drop into the conversation that she had booked another cruise, I was at this point going to say we were thinking about another but then she dropped the bomb-shell by bringing out a rather lovely hamper of goodies which had been delivered just that morning from the Travel agent she uses!!!

 

Well I was absolutely flabbergasted in all the years I have cruised never NEVER have I had such a treat delivered if I were a cat I would have been spitting feathers, not that I would allow anyone to know that. Mrs Brock-worthy took great delight at unpacking the treats and passing them around to the Oooooohs and Ahhhhhh's of the cup and saucer ladies (we do insist on standards)

 

First came the champagne and a bottle of New Zealand Red closely followed by a box of hand made chocolates & truffles and wonderful biscuits a rather nice box of loose tea and coffee beans made up this hamper along with a note saying "To get you in the mood for your next cruise"

 

Well I quickly took note of the Travel agents name and decided when I went home to check them out. I did notice on my way out of Mrs Brock-worthy's house her downstairs toilet door was open and the Spanish toilet roll holder I had brought from my last cruise was not visible, I was relieved when she told me she had moved it to the main upstairs bathroom where she could appreciate it more.

 

Once home I quickly Googled the Travel Company Mrs Brock-worthy had used "Pushover" didn't sound much but with the thought of a hamper in my mind I quickly rang the number.

 

"Hello Pushovers" came the voice down the line "you are speaking to Marigold as in the flower how may I help you?"   Well I didn't think she meant as in a rubber glove or indeed as in Plain, strong or Self raising. I am looking for a cruise I informed her but not really sure what I want as we have done many cruises and I am looking for something different.

 

Marigold asked a series of questions like cabin grades and how much I wanted to spend and what I liked to do, and any preferences I had and said she would have a look at what was available and would get back to me with some suitable cruises. I was not going to hold my breath she never even mentioned a hamper or the fact I was giving her a very healthy budget to work with.   

 

So I put down the phone and decided to give it a day to see what Pushovers or more importantly Marigold would come up with and those chocolates and Champagne did look rather nice and I was expecting mine to be a bigger hamper as I book balcony cabins not inside like Mrs Brock-worthy  :D

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Welcome back Jaczs. I also went away from the Forum for a while but when the supportive messages start to arrive you realise, why should I give up something I enjoy because of few individuals who are just out to make trouble. Again, welcome back.

Personally I'm glad that people feel that they are part of the forum and that it has moved on from the stormy waters that prevailed a while ago.

I've been a tad robust myself at times but there is certainly no malice intended so hope that I haven't unintentionally upset anyone.

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Ha Ha you wouldn't want your 'street cred' to be diminished Mr Terminator laugh.png

 

Am I missing something here ?? I have read this as a continuation to the 'spoof' Jaczs presented in one of the competitions and certainly don't recall any nastiness, I would hope if there was any it would be reported and dealt with by Admin.

 

The nice thing about this forum is it is friendly without being cliquey and long may that continue, there will of course always be differences of opinion but as 'adults' we are more than capable of putting our point across without resorting to any form of abuse.

Terminator and TraceyA like this

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Yes dancing Queen this is the spoof Jaczs back :D as only la de dah Jaczs can be, she will be putting the digs in but only TIC as per usual and no malice in it unless of course you have meet one or two of her cruise companions as we all have lol.

 

Some of my tales are real but most are my overactive imagination and stupidity. 

TraceyA likes this

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Yes dancing Queen this is the spoof Jaczs back biggrin.png as only la de dah Jaczs can be, she will be putting the digs in but only TIC as per usual and no malice in it unless of course you have meet one or two of her cruise companions as we all have lol.

 

Some of my tales are real but most are my overactive imagination and stupidity. 

 

Ahh thank you for clearing that up I obviously read it as a few people thought you had left for another reason, I think the spoof is brilliant and yes I'm sure we've all met a few people we can (tic) relate to this lady.

 

It reminds me very much of a Major someone or other (can't remember the name) who did something similar a few years ago on a forum and it was hilarious, sadly he decided not to continue with it.

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The following morning I was sat with my morning coffee and my plate with two hobnobs biscuits, this is a tip for the ladies and most of the men try putting a set amount of biscuits on a plate to keep yourself from consuming the whole biscuit barrel thus insuring you maintain your beach body. Nobody likes to see a jelly belly or worse still the whole trifle on parade.

 

Anyhow while enjoying my coffee the phone rang and Marigold not of the latex kind (I hope) was on the line with cruises she thought I would enjoy. After discarding the Med as we have been so many times now I wanted a change and also discarding the Fjords and Iceland as I want a holiday with sun, not rain and more layers than an onion it left us with the Caribbean.

 

Now I had sailed to the Caribbean once before but to be honest the weather was not to my taste far to cold leaving and I swear the cruise company only sailed under the rain clouds as all this "Ooooooh it gets a little warmer every day" was a load of poppycock it didn't, it rained on day one and it was miserable as sin everyday except one the whole time in the Caribbean and just to make the holiday complete it rained the whole way home. My letter of complaint that holiday was the longest I had ever written and covered 43 pages and come to think of it I never even got a hamper then hmmmmm How on earth has Mrs Brock-worthy managed it after three cruises all inside? After telling Marigold of my concerns she broached the idea of going a little later and flying rather than sailing from Southampton.

 

FLYING!!! flying! Is she mad? that would involve airports and who will park my car safely? and one never knows who may be on the same plane as you slobbering drool on your shoulder eweeee I am not sure I was made for flying, not sure at all.

Marigold suggested if we flew we should at a small extra cost book Premium class which is like first class so she says and is a small area with large seats better service and curtained off as it is just for premium customers, apparently you also board first so you can enjoy a champagne while everybody else gets on.

 

Well much to my surprise I found myself booking a balcony cabin to the Caribbean flying Premium from Gatwick, my first not happy moment was when Marigold gave me the price of Premium, now I am not sure what planet she is on but I would hardly call and additional £600 a small extra cost but she was very slick at sliding the price in without pausing for breath. I returned to my coffee after finishing my phone call to Marigold, my new personal cruise specialist to ponder how many days will it take for my hamper to arrive and what extra goodies am I going to get in mine not only for the balcony but also for being a Premium customer.....................caviar.... crackers ......port

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It reminds me very much of a Major someone or other (can't remember the name) who did something similar a few years ago on a forum and it was hilarious, sadly he decided not to continue with it.

 

It was a spoof review of Ventura (19,055 views) by Major Pratt of Chipping Sodbury. He then did another about Celebrity (36,127 views) using the titles, Baron and Contessa. He wrote 5 spoof reviews under the name of Major Pratt before being finally laid to rest by his nephew Jasper Uber-Pratt. The reviews attracted thousands of views and brought a smile to the lips of many. 

TraceyA and *Dancing Queen* like this

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Well I allowed a week to pass and no sign from Royal mail or couriers with my hamper and with my turn at coffee morning fast approaching I decided to take the bull by the horns and ring Marigold up and drop a hint or two, I mean I am an important customer I doubt Marigold has many premium customers and even fewer balcony/premium customers so I expected better treatment from her.

 

As an important customer I do have Marigolds direct line so I gave her a quick ring only for the phone to be picked up by someone called Gemma who informed me Marigold was on holiday!     ON HOLIDAY I don't think she should be taking time off when she has my cruise to look after I am not sure I approve of such things. As Gemma was keen to help I just mentioned that Marigold has said in passing I would be receiving a gift from them shortly and I had not yet received anything, a little white lie I know but needs must and the lovely Gemma said she would look into it so feeling happy that my wicker basket would soon be here I went shopping for Bobs little holiday clothes. I managed to find him a lovely pirate outfit which made him look just like Johnny Depp :D well OK a rotund very yellow bulging eyed Johnny Depp but with his new red shades he looked adorable and now has clothes for casual formal and theme nights. 

 

The day before my coffee morning and the postman delivered my gift from Gemma, I am now not a happy customer a calendar I mean we were nearly half way through the year and yes the pictures of the ships were nice but it has Pushovers logo over every one of them and I cant eat the darn thing. I wonder if Marigold has kept my hamper and has been eating its delightful contents now she is back from her holiday? I bet she wasn't tempted by the calendar. Note to self need to buy weed killer :D

 

Coffee morning again and with my calendar hidden at the bottom of my dustbin in a sealed black bag as I found it offensive, I endured Mrs Brock-worthy chatter on about her cruise yet again and how perfect it all was all coming along and how her cruise girl stroke specialist was fantastic and looked after her so well and couldn't do enough for her blah blah blah if fact Mrs Brock-worthy thinks so highly of her she is going to send her some flowers and chocolates as a thank you she has never had somebody so lovely as her Marigold ............................................ HER MARIGOLD ................ Well there is no way I am playing second fiddle to Mrs Brock-worthy so before she had got to the end of the gate after the coffee morning had ended I was on the phone to order flowers and chocolates for Marigold (her Marigold indeed) I think not. And I never had a chance to mention my cruise or balcony or being premium and still no hamper................. 

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