Which Cruiser Are You?
5 Apr 2019
Whether we like to admit it or not, we’re all guilty of a little people watching on our sea days.
Do you recognise any of these cruise personas? Better still, which one is yours?
The Healthy Cruiser
A fruit salad fiend at the breakfast buffet and a regular face in the gym. Is it possible to reserve a treadmill?
The Fashionista Cruiser
You pack formal wear before flip flops and plan outfits more thoroughly than excursions. Likely to be found in the on board shop working on your designer accessory game.
The Foodie Cruiser
Eighteen on board restaurants? Speciality dining, gala menus, molecular gastronomy…stick a fork in me, I’m done!
The Tanorexic Cruiser
Sea days are spent stretched out on deck and shore days see you sniffing out the whitest sands and bluest waters. Suitcase essentials include a stopwatch to track your rotations and carrot oil for maximum tan in minimum time
The Boozy Cruiser
Celebrating embarking the ship? Bar! Waiting for your luggage to arrive? Bar! Feeling the motion of the ocean? Bar! The show has an interval? Bar!
The Party Cruiser
If cities don’t sleep, why should cruise ships? You’ll be found soaking up the atmosphere in the British pub at lunch, tearing up the dance floor after dinner and propping up the slots in the casino until the early hours.
The Indulgent Cruiser
If you’ve saved precious pennies and annual leave for a holiday, then it better be damn good. Food should be haute-cuisine, excursions should give you behind-the-scenes exclusives, spa treatments better involve 24k gold and your drink better be champagne (or Bellinis at breakfast). Oh, and the more formal nights the better!
The Old-Skool Cruiser
The Baked Alaska Parade is the kitsch highlight of your cruise and the disappointment at having no chocolate on your pillow once home takes weeks to subside. In your opinion, dining should involve silver service at all times; home and away!
The Honeymoon Cruiser
Your favourite part of the ship is your stateroom and breakfast comes courtesy of room service every day. As does lunch…and dinner. The sanctuary of your cabin is left only to cuddle beneath a (shared) blanket, with (shared) popcorn to watch a (romantic) movie beneath the stars.
The Newbie Cruiser
It’s just so big! Wow! That’s our cabin? Wow! It’s all included? Wow! We visit how many ports? Wow! You run into them everywhere, blocking the way and wowing all over the place.
The Family Cruiser
Usually spotted in their natural habitat, just outside the kid’s club; a child hanging from each arm and a defeated and desperate look in their eyes. Later observed in the spa, sipping cocktails and reading books at record speed, desperately grasping every second of their precious me time.
The Exploration Cruiser
First in the line at the shore excursions desk; research done and ready to book three excursions in each port. Maps, camera, compass and guidebooks are first in the case, followed quickly by walking boots and technical outdoor clothing (Indian Jones outfit optional but preferred)
The Social Cruiser
Stipulate at time of booking that they’d like to sit on the biggest table in the Main Dining Room and will talk to anyone and everyone. Spotted either alone or with a tiring spouse tugging at their arm. No matter how big the ship and how many passengers, you see (or hear) this one every day without fail.
The Been There Done That Cruiser
A cruising veteran, if you will, the Been There Done That Cruiser knows more than the crew, captain and all other passengers put together. They’ve sailed all ships and visited all ports; a wealth of information – just don’t say a bad word about their favourite vessel.
The Enriched Cruiser
You have only been on the ship 6 days and you’ve already learned a language, joined the book club and mastered Photoshop. Anyway, no time for chat; you’ve got an acting class at 12pm with RADA.
The Go-Go-Gadget Cruiser
Even vast oceans can’t come between the Go-Go-Gadget Cruiser and their technology. Often seen negotiating a coffee in one hand and a laptop in the other while on their way to breakfast, or beside the pool working on their white bits (usually around the ear area, where their mobile is surgically attached).
While everyone else is soaking up the culture on shore excursions, the Go-Go-Gadget Cruiser is frantically trying to track down the free Wi-Fi.
