Leaves much to be desired

This is billed as a 5 day cruise however it really was only 3.5 days; we boarded at around 4pm on the Friday and were off at 8am on the Tuesday. The cabins, ours was a superior with balcony, were uninspiring and tired and felt more like a Premier Inn. The food was mediocre, plated up meals arrived stacked four high with their plastic covers keeping the food luke warm. No dishes of vegetables offered and the service was rushed. Some of the staff were over friendly and on one particular occasion very offensive using inappropriate language. The selection of wine was good and offered at a fair price. The spa was exceptionally overpriced; £139 for a massage of 75 minutes and the masseuse then tried to sell us spa products at ridiculous prices totalling around £150 and then asked for a tip on top. The bars and swimming areas around the self service restaurant we’re incredibly noisy and busy, not really conducive to eating and chilling. On our first evening the menu shown at the grill bar did not materialise with only burgers and hot dogs offered and the food took too long to cook so long queues. And these areas were more like Butlins than the relaxing cruising areas we expected. Whilst safety onboard was taken seriously with meetings at muster stations to show how to don a life jacket etc, safety on the tenders taking us to and from Guernsey was questionable. Disabled guests and their many carers were loaded first, then able bodied and then wheelchairs were brought on board and placed in the areas were guests would need to disembark in an emergency blocking any escape. Very worrying. Would not recommend going on this cruise.